Is divorce the answer?

I’m busy divorcing my husband after finding out he’s been lying for 4 years about a “friendship” with another woman. He moved out a week ago. How do I know if I’m doing the right thing or should forgive him and try again? I don’t want to regret applying for divorce but I also don’t want to throw away more time with someone who doesn’t love/want me as much. Is there like a quiz or something that can help out?

Dear J,
We are sorry for what you have been going through and we sympathize with your situation. It’s hard to give you a solid response without knowing where your husband wants things to go. Has he given up the other woman or is he sincerely willing to? Does he want the marriage to continue? What else is he willing to do to make that happen? Will he go into counseling with you? You two need to talk about what has been troubling him, and you need to talk to him about what troubles you about him, in addition to the infidelity.
In our book we recommend divorce as a last resort, only after you have tried all other options including really open and honest communication and counseling with a mental health professional or clergyman. One thing you and your husband might do is take our marriage test; it’s at the end of the book. This will help you both identify the problems that have led you to this terrible time. We wish you a lot of luck.

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