Affair after 50 years

My wife and I have been married for 51 yrs. Recently I discovered my wife has been carrying on a love affair via email for more than a year. She claims that I do not pay enough attention to her. The other man is 82 yrs old and an old friend. She claims she has always had a special place in her heart for him. She also says she loves me a lot. I have emailed him asking him to end this for the sake of our families. His wife is in the beginning stages of alzheimers and does not have any sexual outlet. He lives in Florida and plans to visit our town in Aug. I have invitied him to visit US if he so chooses. I love my wife deeply. M

Dear M,
Your situation is serious; your happiness and your marriage sound like they are at stake. You must recognize that no one can come between a couple unless there is already space. Your wife is telling you that there is a large distance between the two of you created, at least in large measure, by your lack of attention to her. There may be other issues between you as well, and on both your parts. Because the situation is so serious why don’t you go together and seek marriage counseling to find out how such a big space opened between you and how you can start to close it?

We do agree with you that your wife needs to choose between you and the other gentleman. Assuming that she wants to stay married to you, she should end the other relationship. You are playing with fire by inviting him to your home and considering him a dear old friend. He betrayed you. He is obviously needy because of his wife’s condition and should consider seeking therapy himself to try to deal with his grief about possibly losing his wife

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