Divorce Rate

Is divorce rate still hovering 50%? Is not unusual for a marriage to be 12, 15 even 20 or 30 years old and still divorcing? Do separations occur as a way to gain perspective- not necessarily the next step to divorce but to have space to try working on issues? Do marriages stay in counseling for over 10 years? For longer? How much can one settle and tolerate? Is there such a thing as chemistry between 2 people? If physical intimacy is great at the get go, can it last forever? K

Dear K,
You have many questions. Are you worried only about your own marriage, or thinking about your parents’ marriage as well? Your questions bridge different age ranges. Here are answers. Yes, divorce rates are still high in the U.S. and Western Europe, about 40%. Yes, people divorce sometimes after many years of marriage. We don’t recommend separations except as a last resort. Our experience tells us that most separations do end in divorce. Rarely does counseling last anything like ten years. People vary enormously in their ability as to what they can or will tolerate from a spouse. Yes, there is such a thing as chemistry and it can last, sometimes forever, although it changes over and over as time goes by which is what keeps it fresh.

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