Why is it that some many people hesitate to divorce – even when it becomes clear that the bonds that hold a marriage together are broken? What keeps them in trial separation only to return to the same pattern (maybe over and over again). So the real question is – when or under what conditions can people decide? Is there an ‘acid’ test? I know someone who decided to return to an unhealthy relationship (he is not alone) and is still unhappy but stuck. So is the test courage plus?? Thanks for your thoughts. L

Dear L,
This is the central subject of our book How to Know If It’s Time to Go: A 10 Step Reality Test for Your Marriage. Don’t be so hard on yourself and others for not taking the step to divorce. It’s a difficult decision to make. There are so many fears and myths that surround divorce such as whether we will be alone, be ruined financially, damage our children, etc. As we recommend in the book, divorce is a last resort. Couples benefit from trying in every way possible to get the marriage back on track. The acid test is when you have tried everything over an extended period of time and it hasn’t worked. Most people who have divorced, after a transition of a couple of years of readjustment, feel that they and their children are better off and wonder why they waited years too long.

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